Best Animal Jokes

Prepare to embark on a safari of silliness, a menagerie of mirth, and a zoo filled with zingers, for we are about to delve into the wild world of the best animal jokes! Forget about the birds and the bees; we’re here to talk about parrots with punchlines and rabbits with rib-ticklers.

From the ferocious puns of the jungle’s lions to the snappy wit of crocodiles, animals have been the unsuspecting stars of comedy for as long as humans have been able to laugh at a cat’s ill-fated encounter with a laser pointer. Whether it’s a bear who can’t “bear” his diet or a sheep’s “ewe-phoric” sense of style, these creatures offer endless opportunities for laughter.

So grab your binoculars, put on your funniest safari hat (you know, the one with the propeller on top), and get ready to track down the best animal jokes in their natural habitat. It’s a jungle out there, but fear not, intrepid explorer; the only thing you’ll be hunting here is a hearty laugh! And let’s face it, in the grand ecosystem of humor, animal jokes are truly the “mane” attraction.

“What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An Investigator!”

What do you get when you put three ducks in a box? A box of quackers!

“Why are teddy bears never hungry?

They are always stuffed!”

“What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?


“What do you get when two giraffes collide? 

A giraffic jam”

“What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?

A walkie-talkie!”

“Hippo 1: You look like you’re gaining weight. 

Hippo 2: That’s very hippo-critical of you.”

“If you have 15 cows and 5 goats what would you have?

Plenty of milk!”

“What’s the first thing you should do if a bull charges you? 

Pay him!”

“Why is a bee’s hair always sticky? 

Because it uses a honey comb!”

“What’s the most musical part of a chicken? 

The drumstick!”

“Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool? 

They kept dropping their trunks!”

“Which kinds of snakes are found on cars? 

Windshield vipers!”

“What’s the difference between a fish and a piano? 

You can’t tuna fish!”

“What happens to a toad’s car when it breaks down? 

It gets toad away.”

“What steps do you take if you a tiger is running towards you? 

Big ones!”

“What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic? 

His bark was much worse than his bite!”

“What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? 

Shear madness.”

“What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?


“What is black and white and red all over?

A sunburned zebra.”

“Where do cows go for entertainment?

To the moo-vies.”

“Why do sharks live in saltwater?

Because pepper makes them sneeze!”

“Why did the snake cross the road?

To get to the other ssssssside.”

“Why are dogs like phones?

Because they have collar IDs.”

“How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?

“Pleased to eat you.””

“Where do milkshakes come from?

Nervous cows.”

“Why did the kangaroo stop drinking coffee? 

She got too jumpy!”

“Where do polar bears vote? 

The North Poll.”

“What’s the smartest animal? 

A fish because they stay in schools!”

“What was the first animal in space? 

The cow who jumped over the moon.”

“How long do chickens work? 

Around the cluck!”

“What do you call a sleeping bull? 

A bull-dozer.”

“What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant? 

French flies.”

“​​What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies? 

“”Should we walk home or take the dog?!”””

“Why did the fly never land on the computer? 

He was afraid of the web.”

“Why do birds fly south in the winter? 

Because it’s too far to walk!”

“Can a wallaby jump higher than a building?

Of course … buildings can’t jump!”

“What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.”

“Why are snakes difficult to fool?

You can’t pull their leg.”

“What color socks do sloth bears wear?

They don’t wear socks, because they have bear feet!”

“What kind of bird works at a construction site?

The crane!”

“Why do birds fly south in the winter?

Because it’s too far to walk!”

“What kind of kitten works for the Red Cross?

A first-aid Kit.”

“What state has a lot of cats and dogs?


“How can you best raise a baby dinosaur?

With a crane!”

“What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?

Time to fix the fence!”

“What do you do when you see an elephant with a basketball?

Get out of its way!”

“Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.”

“There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats!”

“What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.”

“What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!”

“Why do the French eat snails?

They don’t like fast food.”

“Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it.”

“What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.”

“How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.”

“Why don’t leopards play hide and seek?

Because they are always spotted”

“Teacher: “Name a bird that has wings but can’t fly.”

Student: “A dead bird, ma’am.””

“Teacher: “I asked you to draw a cow and grass, but I only see a cow. Where is the grass?”

Student: “The cow ate the grass, sir.””

“What kind of key opens a banana?

A monkey”

“What do you call a deep-sea Transformer?

Octopus Prime!”

“Which day do fish hate?


“What would you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen”

“What do rich squirrels eat?


“What animals do you find in a monastery?


“Why do flamingos stand on one leg?

If they lifted the other leg, they’d fall over”

“What do you give a pig that has a cold?

Trough syrup!”

“How are fish and music the same?

They both have scales.”

“Why can’t you trust what a baby chick says?

Talk is cheep.”

“What is black and white and red all over?

A penguin that’s embarrassed.”

“Where can you go to see mummies of cows?

The moo-seum of history.”

“What did the whale say to the dolphin?

“Long time no sea.””

Best Animal Jokes

Animal jokes have been a cherished part of the comedy ecosystem for generations, prancing around the plains of punchlines and soaring through the skies of slapstick. These jokes are not mere quips; they are a delightful species of humor that connects us to our furry, feathered, and finned friends in ways that can only be described as “pawsitively” uproarious.

Consider the grace of the gazelle, the majesty of the eagle, and then imagine them slipping on a banana peel. From the wise old owl who can’t seem to remember where he left his glasses to the kangaroo who’s always jumping to conclusions, animal jokes transform the traits and behaviors of the animal kingdom into a carnival of comedy. The enduring charm of the “Why did the chicken cross the road?” riddle isn’t just a testament to the chicken’s daring highway adventures but a tribute to our ability to find humor in the everyday wanderings of our fellow earthlings.

But it’s not just about the jokes; it’s about the journey. Best animal jokes invite us into a whimsical world where dogs wear glasses, cats hold down office jobs, and fish have opinions about current events. They’re a celebration of the absurd and a gentle reminder that our four-legged friends might just be in on the joke. Ever seen a smiling dolphin or a chuckling chimpanzee? Perhaps they know something we don’t. Or perhaps they’ve just heard the one about the snail who bought a new sports car. He told the dealer to paint an “S” on it so when people see him they will say, “Look at that S Car Go!”

Beyond the giggles and guffaws, animal jokes are a unifying thread in the tapestry of humor. They transcend age, culture, and species, offering a shared laugh across boundaries. Children chuckle at the mischievous antics of Peter Rabbit, while adults smirk at the sophisticated wordplay of an octopus explaining why it prefers writing with ink. These jokes are not confined to any one habitat or niche; they roam free, grazing on the fertile plains of human creativity and camaraderie.

So the next time you hear about the duck that got arrested because he was a “quack dealer,” or the cat who sat on the computer to keep an eye on the mouse, remember that you’re participating in a tradition as old as the first caveman laughing at a saber-toothed tiger’s overbite. Best animal jokes are not merely a genre of humor; they’re a celebration of life’s diversity, a humorous homage to the fauna that shares our planet, and above all, a reminder that laughter is the universal language we all speak. Now, isn’t that something to “howl” about?

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