Jokes about Women

Hold onto your hats, humor enthusiasts! As we dance through the delightful maze of ‘Jokes about Women’, prepare for a celebration of the sass, smarts, and occasional slip-ups that define womanhood. From multitasking marvels to fashion-forward funnies, women have been both the muse and the mastermind behind some of history’s most hilarious moments. So, whether you’re a lady ready to laugh at familiar foibles or a gentleman eager to tease with tact, this comedic journey promises equal-opportunity giggles. Ready to chuckle at the charm of the fairer sex? Let’s twirl into the fun!

Best Jokes about Women

How do you know if someone is smart? Their gender.

Why don’t women wear watches? Because there is a clock on the stove.

“How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Trick question: Feminists can’t change anything!”

What’s easier to pick up the heavier it gets? A Woman

Why do husbands die before their wives? Because they want to.

What do you call a woman with one black eye? A quick learner

Why couldn’t Helen Keller drive? Because she’s a woman.

Why don’t women need a drivers license? there’s no road from the kitchen to the bedroom.

Why do women wear high heels? To put the dishes away on the top shelf.

Why couldn’t Hellen Keller drive? Because she was a woman.

GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.

“Initially Women’s Day was planned on 6th March…

But women took 2 days to get ready. 

That’s how it got postponed to 8th March!!! “

What is the fastest way to spread a rumor? Telephone? NO. Television? No. How then? Tell A Woman

How do you get an overweight lady in bed? Piece of cake

How many men does it take to open a beer bottle? None. The bottle should already be opened when your woman brings it to you on the couch.

Why is an arguing woman like a blunt knife? Neither has a point.

How do you turn a pretty fox into a whale? You marry the fox and wait a few years.

I wanted to show my wife who’s boss in our house. I held a mirror up to her face.

When is a woman right? When the kitchen isn’t left.

When does a woman lose her intelligence? When she gets a divorce.

“I asked the gym trainer what type of machine i should use to get the best looking women

He said the ATM outside”

“Women sometimes make fools of men

But most guys are the do-it-yourself type.”

“I want my bank to treat me the same way women do

0% interest rate”

“Where can single men over 65 find younger women who are interested in them?

In the bookstore, under “”fiction””.”

“Did you hear about the International women’s day sale on steam?

Everything was 70 cents on the dollar.”

“I don’t think women should have kids after 35

That’s just too many kids.”

“God created childbirth to give women the chance to experience what it’s like…

For a guy to catch a cold….”

“If women were great at multitasking..

Sitting down and being quiet would be easy.”

“Why are the majority of archeologists women?

They have a natural ability to dig up the past.”

“Why are women called a “”widow”” when their spouse dies, but a man is called “”widower””?

Do men have to be better at everything?”

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.

Why is an agruing woman like a blunt knife? Neither has a point. 

One big difference between men and women is that when women say “smell this”, it usually smell nice. 

What is the best to get a man to stop chewing on his nails? Make him keep his shoes on. 

“At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, ‘Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?’ The other replied,

‘Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'”

My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

I sure hope woman that you know CPR because… you are astounding me.

“Why does the average woman reportedly want beauty more than brains?

Because the average man can see so much better than he thinks.”

Why did the lady wear a helmet every time she ate? She was on a crash diet!

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? Because they don’t want to be mistaken as feminists.

My mum always used to say “40 is the new 30”. Lovely woman… banned from driving.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.

Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

Never laugh at your girlfriends choices… you are one of them.

What did one female firefly say to the other? You glow girl!

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that…

“How much money do you need to satisfy a woman?

A: It is always just a little bit more.”

“Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.”

“Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It’s one of those “”evolutionary things”” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.”

“How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with “”A man once told me.”””

“What do you call a sunburnt girl with a yeast infection?

Grilled cheese”

“Why do men fart more than women?

Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.”

“If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.”

What do you call a woman who can’t draw? Tracy.

“I married a Miss Right.

I just didn’t know her first name was Always.”

“Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%.

It’s called wedding cake.”

“In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.”

“What do men have in their pants that’s only 3 inches long, but can fully satisfy a woman?

Their credit card.”

“In chess, why does the queen have more mobility than the king?

Because the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor.”

“Why do women have boobs?

So you got something to look at when you’re talking to them.”

“What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

Iron Man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command.”

“What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice.”

“What were god’s thoughts after Eve took her first bath in the sea?

“I’ll never get this smell out of the fishes.””

What do you call a Chinese woman with an opinion? Wong

“How do you remember your wife’s birthday?

By forgetting it once.”

“Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?

Cause it doesn’t need cleaning yet.”

What do you call an all women workplace? Unsupervised.

Jokes about Women

In the vast, sprawling landscape of humor, “funny jokes about women” occupy a delightful, unique corner. They serve as both a nod to the quirks and qualities that define womanhood and a testament to the resilience of women, who often laugh the loudest at these jests. At their core, these jokes highlight the universal truths, challenges, and sheer hilarity that come with being a woman in a world that’s forever trying to figure her out.

Now, “jokes about women” have an eclectic range. From the woman who declares she has ‘nothing to wear’ in front of a bursting wardrobe to the lady who can recall a comment made seven years ago, at 3 pm, during a rainstorm—each joke taps into the beautiful, bewildering, and undeniably funny nuances of femininity. Men, you might wonder, how can she navigate the intricate world of online shopping with such finesse, yet take hours to decide on dinner? And women, you’ll nod knowingly, understanding that sometimes it’s less about the meal and more about the myriad of choices! Ah, the timeless dance of a “women joke”, which is equal parts satire and salute.

The beauty of “women jokes” lies not just in their ability to evoke laughter, but also in their power to spark conversations and connections. They bridge the gap between the sexes, providing a playful insight into the multi-dimensional world of women. It’s a realm where a single shoe can shift a mood, where the question “Do I look okay?” requires a thesis-length response, and where intuition often trumps logic.

Jokes centered around women aren’t just punchlines; they’re glimpses into the everyday epic that is womanhood. As we revel in these tales, jests, and anecdotes, let’s remember that every “women joke” is also a nod to the strength, grace, and undeniable wit of the fairer sex. So, to all the ladies out there, keep laughing, keep shining, and keep confounding and delighting the world with your marvelous mysteries. And to everyone else, keep the jokes coming—but always with respect and admiration, for behind every jest is a woman rolling her eyes and chuckling at the delightful absurdity of it all

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