Ahoy, laughter enthusiasts! Strap in as we venture into the mischievous, often bewildering, always hilarious world of Little Johnny jokes! In a comedic cosmos dotted with chuckles, Johnny stands as the undisputed maestro of mischief. From classrooms to family dinners, no setting is safe from his candid quips and unpredictable antics. With innocence in one pocket and audacity in the other, Little Johnny navigates life, leaving a trail of laughter in his wake. Prepare to chuckle, chortle, and occasionally facepalm as we dive deep into the wit and whimsy of everyone’s favorite enfant terrible!
Best Little Johnny Jokes
“Little Johnny’s teacher said, “”Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister’s.””
Did you copy hers?, she asked.
Johnny replied, “”No, teacher, it’s the same dog!”””
“Little Johnny’s father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.
“”I don’t want to know!”” Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what’s wrong.
“”Oh, Dad,”” Little Johnny sobs, “”first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you’re about to tell me that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to believe in.”””
“The teacher asks “”Johnny, if your father gave you two dollars, and then you asked for ten more dollars, how much money would you have altogether?””
“”Two dollars.”” says Johnny.
“”I’m afraid you don’t know math.”” says the teacher.
“”I’m afraid you don’t know my father.”” said Johnny.”
“The teacher asked little Johnny if he could write a song using the words “analyze” and “anatomy”
This was Johnny’s response:
My analyze over the ocean
My analyze over the sea
My analyze over the ocean
Oh bring back my anatomy!”
“During English class, the teacher asks Little Johnny, “Have you ever heard of the word contagious before?”
“Of course, miss,” Johnny replies, “my father actually said it when we were talking yesterday”.
“Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence?”
“Yes, miss. We were watching the neighbor take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over the driveway, dad said ‘it’s going to take the contagious to pick all that up’.””
“Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”
The teacher is shocked. “Of course not, Johnny! That would be very unfair!”
Johnny is relieved. “That’s good to know,” he says, “Because I haven’t done my homework.””
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life, and asked him, “Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?” He answered, “Like the moon,” and the teacher said, “That’s such a beautiful answer because it’s calm and peaceful.” Little Johnny said, “No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning.”
“The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”
Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”
The teacher says, “How do you know this?”
Then Little Johnny says, “Well, every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, ‘Jesus Christ are you still in there!?’””
“Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, “Dad, tomorrow there’s a special ‘Adults’ evening’ at school.”
Daddy is surprised, “Really? Special?”
“Yes,” nods Johnny, “it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster, and two police officers.””
“Little Johnny walks a cow through the village square.
The mayor sees him and asks, “Hey Johnny, where are you going with the cow?”
“I’m taking her to the bulls so she would get pregnant,” answers Johnny.
The mayor is shocked, “Surely your father had better be doing that?”
Little Johnny thinks about it for a bit and shakes his head, “Nah, I think it’s really best left with the bulls.””
“Teacher: “It’s the fourth time you’re late for school this week Johnny! Do you know what that means?!”
Little Johnny: “That it’s Thursday, Miss Bramwell.””
“Teacher: “How much is half of 8?”
Little Johnny: “Up and down or across?”
Teacher: “What do you mean?”
Little Johnny: “Well, up and down makes a 3, or across the middle leaves a 0!””
“Teacher: “What is an island?”
Little Johnny: “A piece of land surrounded by water except on one side.”
Teacher: “On one side?”
Little Johnny: “Yes, on top!””
“Teacher: “If 1 + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what is 4 + 4?”
Little Johnny: “That’s not fair, you answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!””
“Teacher asked, “How far have you gotten with your homework, Johnny?”
Little Johnny replied, “About 8 kilometers, ma’am. I went home with it and came back with it this morning.””
Little Johnny did not go to school one day, much to his teacher’s surprise. The teacher, who lives close to Little Johnny’s house, decides to stop by. But Little Johnny’s grandpa is the only grown-up at home. When the grandpa sees the teacher, he says “Little Johnny, your teacher is here, go hide and I will see you are not here”. Little Johnny responds “No, you go hide, I told him last week that I went to your funeral!”.
“Teacher says, “Johnny, I told you to write this poem out 10 times to improve your handwriting, and you’ve only done it 7 times.”
Little Johnny replies, “Well, ma’am, I guess my counting isn’t too good, either!””
“The teacher asks Little Johnny to start a sentence with “i” in it.
Johnny responds: I is…
But the teacher interrupts: no, when you say ‘i’, it should be followed by ‘am’ (I am, not I is).
Johnny concludes: ok… I am the alphabet’s 9th letter.”
Little Johnny is sitting in church, getting bored and restless as the preacher’s sermon drags on and on. Finally, Johnny leans over to his dad and whispers, “Dad, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”
“A new teacher is trying to make use of her psychology courses. She starts her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!” After a few seconds, Little Johnny stands up. The teacher says, “Johnny, do you think you’re stupid?”
“No, ma’am,” Johnny answers, “but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!””
“Teacher asks, “Tell me, Little Johnny, do you say your prayers every night before dinner?”
Johnny replies, “No ma’am. My mother is a really good cook.””
“Little Johnny goes to the store and tries to buy a toy car with play money.
The cashier looks it over, shakes his head, and says, “There’s no way I can take this. It’s fake money.”
Johnny replies, “Well, the car’s not real, either.””
“Little Johnny, why is your sister crying?” yelled Grandma. “Because I helped her,” came the reply. “What on Earth did you help her with, then” “I helped her eat all her candy!”
“This week in Little Johnny’s English class, the students learned about punctuation.
When they got to periods, Johnny asked, “Why are periods so important?”
The teacher informed him and asked why he wanted to know.
Johnny replied, “When my sister told us that she missed a period, my father began yelling, and my mom passed out.””
“Little Johnny returns from the market with his mother. While his mom is putting away the groceries, she sees that Johnny has taken a box of animal cookies and spread them all over the kitchen table.
His mother asks “What are you doing, Johnny?”
Johnny looks up and replies, “The box says that you shouldn’t eat them if the seal is broken, so I’m looking for the broken seal.””
One morning, a firefighter came to Little Johnny’s classroom to give a safety presentation. He held up a smoke alarm and asked the class if anyone knew what it was. Little Johnny immediately raised his hand, and the firefighter called on him to answer. “That’s the bell that tells mom that supper is ready!”
Little Johnny is back at school after the holidays. After a few days, his teacher calls up Little Johnny’s dad to report that Johnny has been behaving badly at school. His dad says to the teacher “Hang on a minute, I had Johnny at home with me for 2 months and I never phoned you once when he misbehaved.”
“Teacher: “Are you even paying attention, Johnny? Come, tell us at least two pronouns, right now!”
Little Johnny: “Who, me?”
Teacher: “Wow who knew, very well done.””
“During the concert little Johnny sits in the front row waiting for the concert to begin.
A friend asks: “”Johnny, how did you manage to get a ticket to the concert?””
Johnny replies: “”I got a ticket from my sister.””
The friend asks: “”And where is your sister?””
Johnny says: “”Back at home, looking for her ticket.”””
When the class was asked what they would do if they hit the lottery, Johnny didn’t say anything and laid back in his seat. He said that if he hit the lottery, then he would have a secretary to answer the question.
Little Johnny’s new sibling was crying and screaming for hours. He asked his parents where they got him from. They reply, “Oh, we got him straight from heaven.” Johnny said, “Jeez. I see why they kicked him out of there.”
“Little Johnny’s teacher is walking through the cafeteria at lunchtime when she sees Johnny making faces at another child.
She starts to talk sternly to Johnny and says “Johnny when I was a young girl, I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.”
Little Johnny looks her over and replies, “Well, ma’am, you can’t say that you weren’t given fair warning.””
“Teacher: “”Can you tell me something important that didn’t exist 100 years ago?””
Little Johnny: “”Me!”””
““So what have you been doing at school today, Johnny?”
“I don’t really want to talk about it, mom. You’ll see it later on the news, anyways.””
“Why was Little Johnny crying?
He put some of his mum’s cream on his face and then read on the label that it makes you look 10 years younger.”
“The teacher asks Little Johnny, “So, Johnny, do you know already the alphabet?”
Little Johnny, “Yes, until 100!””
“Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?
Because I helped her.
But that is a good thing! What did you help her with?
I helped her eat her gummy bears.”
“Teacher: “”Why are you praying in class little Johnny?”
Little Johnny: “My mom taught me to always pray before going to sleep.”””
“Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?
Because I helped her.
But that is a good thing! What did you help her with?
I helped her eat her gummy bears.”
“At school:
Johnny, where’s your homework?
Johnny: I’m very sorry, I don’t have it here.
Teacher: How come?
Johnny: I ate my exercise books.
Teacher: What?! Why would you do such a thing?!
Johnny: The dog refused to.”
“Little Johnny asks his mum, “Mum, do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time in a faraway land’?”
“No darling,” says his mother, somewhat distressed, “Sometimes, they can begin with ‘I’ve got too much work in the office tonight, I’ll come home later’.””
“Little Johnny goes to his teacher, “Peter beat myself in the face.”
The teacher corrects Little Johnny, “Me. Peter beat me in the face.”
Little Johnny is shocked, “What? You too?!””
“Mom: “Son, why is your room always such an unholy mess?!”
Little Johnny: “It’s a good thing. You should keep yours really messy as well.”
Mom: “What?! Why?!”
Little Johnny: “Because that way if robbers came in our home, they would think that their colleagues have already been here and they’d give up.””
“Teacher tells little Johnny off, “You know very well you can’t sleep in my class, Johnny.”
Johnny admits, “Yes, I know miss. But maybe, if you didn’t speak quite so loud, I could.””
One day, Little Johnny told his parents that he was ready to live alone. They were very proud of him and supportive, until Johnny said, “Great, I left your luggage next to the front door. See ya!”
The teacher asked the class how they spell the word “elephant.” Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “E-L-E-F-A-N-T.” When the teacher said that it’s wrong, he said, “Well, it may be wrong, but that’s how I spell it.”
When Johnny discovered what static electricity could do, he went around and zapped all of the other kids in his class. What did his mother do? She grounded him.
Little Johnny decided to dress up as a pirate for Halloween. When he went trick-or-treating, one of the adults asked him, “Where are your buccaneers?” Johnny whispered, “They’re under my buckin’ eye patch.”
Little Johnny was asked to use the pronoun “I” in a sentence. Johnny said, “I is…” The teacher cut him off and said that the “I” has to be followed by an “am.” Johnny continued, “All right. I am the ninth letter.”
Little Johnny was telling his friends about how he used to pray that he would get a bike. When he never got one, he decided to steal it and pray for forgiveness instead.
The teacher decided to teach the children in her class how to count. When it was Johnny’s turn, the teacher asked what came after the number ten. Johnny replied, “That’s easy. A Jack.”
Johnny asked his mother for his allowance a few days early. She said no, but he said that he’d tell her what their cleaning lady said to his father when she was gone. His mother handed him the money. Johnny said, “All dad said was, ‘Make sure you wash my underwear, too.’”
Little Johnny’s teacher went to pay his family a home visit. When Johnny’s grandpa saw her walking over, he told him to hide. Johnny quickly said, “No way. You need to hide, grandpa. I told her yesterday that I had to go to your funeral.”
When asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, Little Johnny said, “A detective. So that way I can be just like dad.” The teacher found this surprising because she didn’t know he was a detective. Johnny said, “Oh no, he’s not a detective. He’s a thief.”
Teacher: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Johnny: “I want to follow in my father’s footsteps and be a policeman.” Teacher: “I didn’t know you father was a policeman.” Johnny: “He isn’t. He’s a burglar.”
Teacher: “I hope I didn’t see you looking at Tommy’s test paper.” Johnny: “I hope you didn’t see me either.”
Teacher: “You know you can’t sleep in my class.” Johnny: “I know miss. But maybe if you were a little quieter I could.”
During science class, Little Johnny’s teacher asked who knew the chemical formula for water. “Easy peasy!” shouted Little Johnny. “It’s HIJKLMNO!” “Wrong!” “But how can it be wrong, miss?” said Johnny. “Only yesterday you told us it’s H to O!”
Little Johnny says: “Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?” Mom replies: “Yes. What about it?” He says: “Well, the last generation just dropped it.”
Teacher: “Johnny, I told you to write out this poem at least ten times to improve your handwriting. You’ve done it only eight times.” Johnny: “Looks like my counting isn’t too good either.”
Little Johnny Jokes
Dive into the universe of humor, and you’ll encounter many stars, but one that shines the brightest, with a mischievous twinkle, is undoubtedly Little Johnny. He’s been around for decades, yet his ageless spirit of precociousness never ceases to amaze. These jokes, hinged upon Johnny’s seemingly naive inquiries and comments, often lead to punchlines that could make a nun blush and a sailor laugh. From the heart of the classroom to the dining table at home, there’s no setting that’s immune to his razor-sharp wit and impeccable timing.
The magic of Little Johnny jokes lies in their juxtaposition. Here’s a young lad, the epitome of innocence, challenging adult norms with unfiltered candor. “Teacher, can I get punished for something I haven’t done?” asks Little Johnny. “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!” replies the teacher. “Good, because I haven’t done my homework.” Bam! In such quips, Johnny doesn’t just skirt around taboos or societal norms; he gleefully prances over them, leaving listeners in a delightful mix of shock and awe. These jokes hold a mirror to the grown-up world, highlighting its absurdities through the untainted lens of a child, albeit a very cheeky one.
But beneath the surface-level hilarity, Little Johnny jokes carry a deeper message. They’re a testament to the natural curiosity and fearlessness of children. Johnny’s inquiries, as brazen as they might be, are often rooted in genuine wonder or confusion about the adult world. In laughing at the punchlines, we’re not just amused by Johnny’s audacity; we’re also subtly reminded of times when we, too, questioned the often baffling norms of adulthood.
Little Johnny jokes are more than just a series of giggles and guffaws. They encapsulate the spirit of childhood – a time of boundless curiosity, where every question, no matter how audacious, is worth asking. As we journey through Johnny’s world, chuckling at his escapades, we’re not just entertained; we’re transported back to a time when the world was simpler, funnier, and far more mysterious. So, here’s to Little Johnny, the young lad with an old soul, making generations laugh with his innocent mischief and ageless antics.