Prepare to hack up some hilarity, folks! In the vast symphony of life’s sounds, the cough might not win any Grammy awards, but it sure can strike a comedic chord. We’re diving deep into the lungs of laughter, exploring the wheezy, sneezy world of coughing jokes. Whether you’re clearing your throat for an announcement or just recovering from a tickling sensation, this collection promises to be so funny, it might just leave you in… cough-splits!
Best Jokes about Coughing
What do you call a cough that attracts a lot of attention? Phlegm-boyant
“People must not cough near you, they must cough far away…
So when you hear someone coughing tell him to, “”Far Cough!”””
“The guy who created cough drops died last week.
There’ll be no coffin at his funeral.”
Did you hear about the pony with a cough? It was a little ho(a)rse
What do you call a coughing dinosaur? A Bronchosaurus!
What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse.
“A respiratory therapist is on his death bed, and his wife asks him about his final wish.
He says, “I want to be cremated; there will be no coughin at my funeral””
“I called work this morning and whispered, “”Sorry boss, I can’t come in today. I have a wee cough.”” He exclaimed, “”You have a wee cough!?””
I said, “”Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!”””
“Small tidbit: Whenever Hackett would say ‘Hackett out’, my girlfriend would cough. And she would laugh at her own joke every. single. time.
Hackett out…*cough*”
It took me 15 years to realize that there’s a cough that breaks the silence of a dry joke.
If you fart, cough and sneeze at the same time, your body takes a screenshot.
“Doctor: “”Cough for me please.””Me: “”Oh-wa-ah-ah-ah.””
Doctor: “”It appears as though you’ve come down with the sickness.”””
What drink has a cold? Cough-ee
“Do you remember the good old days when we could just cough and sneeze on each other?
Good times!”
What do androids take when they have a cough? Robotussin.
“Why couldn’t Princess Peach stop coughing?
Because Mario came down the wrong pipe”
“An unknown number called me, sneezed and coughed a few times and then hung up.
I’m getting tired of all these cold calls.”
“Cough, Rough, Though, Through.
Why don’t these words rhyme, yet pony and bologna do?”
“Why was Traffic Man often coughing while capturing villains?
Because he was always congested.”
“You ever cough in the morning…
… and can taste all the bad choices you made the night before?”
“What did the ghost say as he coughed up fog?
Don’t worry guys, it’s just miasma!”
“It’s not the cough that’ll carry you off
It’s the coffin they carry you off in”
“To the people who don’t cover their mouths when they cough.
You make me sick.”
“Why did the potato cough up blood?
Because it had tuber-culosis”
A teenage girl went to visit the doctor for her cough complaint. The doctor examined her with his stethoscope. ‘Big breaths’ he said. ‘Yeah, and I am only thixteen’ she replied.
What is the similarity between a cough syrup and an undertaker? They both take away the coffin.
My dog swallowed my engagement ring last night, but luckily coughed it out when he barked. There was a diamond in the ruff.
Saw a guy who wears a turban and who was coughing loudly I think he was Sikh
What does Cinderella say when she gets to the ball? *cough* *cough*
Trump is releasing a new book on his COVID-19 experience. Mein Cough
How do you instantly break up an anti-quarantine rally? Cough.
What do you call a sick Egyptian? Sir Cough-a-gus
Arizona may be a COVID 19 hot spot… …but at least its a dry cough.
What’s the worst thing about a lung transplant? Coughing up someone else’s phlegm
How do you know a vampire’s sick? If he’s coffin (coughing?)
“When my mother died all my father said was, “”Cough, fatigue, fever.””
He’s a man of flu words.”
“Doctor… “”I see your cough is getting better””
Patient ….”” Yes, I’ve been practicing all night”””
“Why did the man with acute bronchitis go on holiday?
Because he had a wee cough”
“*Cough*
I have a friend who died from one of those. It was under his neighbor’s wife’s bed.”
“Why does the doctor make you turn your head and cough?
So you don’t cough on the doctor”
Why didn’t Elsa see a respiratory therapist for her sore throat and cough? A cold never bothered her, anyway.
“Why do cannibals cough so much when eating hands?
They get a tickle in their throat”
“If you are not supposed to abuse cough syrup,
Then why does it come with a plastic shot glass?”
“What is a Pot Heads favorite body part?
‘ear *cough* ‘ear”
“How you stop a break-in?
With a warning cough at the top of the stairs.”
“Why did the Belgian cough?
He was phlegmish.”
“What did Charles Dickens name his cough drop company?
Great Expectorations”
Why did the corncob cough? He had cornrona
“Why are snakes so quiet when sucking on a cough drop?
Because of the anti-HISS-tamine”
“In March we had coughs, colds, Influenza A&B, and Covid-19.
I guess you could say the nations of the world were in a Cold War.”
“Why did the cat start to cough
It caught the purrrona virus”
“””What does Daddy drink when he has a bad cough?””
“”Coffee. Get it? Cough-ee.”””
“Did you hear about the computer programmer who was strung out on cough syrup?
He had a major codeine problem.”
What is it called when you have to pay to cough? Cof-fee
“Ever wondered why General Grievous coughs so much?
He never installed an anti-virus.”
Why did the horse need cough syrup? It caught a colt.
Why did Woody give Bullseye some cough syrup? Because he was horse.
Why did the cough go to the doctor? It wanted to get a second opinion!
What do you call a cough that can sing? A hum-cough-er!
Why did the cough go to school? It wanted to become a “cough-llege” graduate!
What do you call a coughing insect? A coffin bug!
How does a cough become a celebrity? It goes viral!
What’s a cough’s favorite dance move? The “Coughy-Shuffle”!
Why did the cough join a gym? It wanted to work on its core strength!
What do you get when you mix a cough and a sneeze? A “cough-achoo”!
How do coughs communicate? Through “hacking” into conversations!
What did the cough say to the other cough at the party? “You’re a real hack-tivator!”
“This morning I coughed up a pawn, a knight and a bishop.
I must have a chess infection.”
What did the barista call her face mask? A coughy filter.
Jokes about Coughing
Coughing, a natural reflex most commonly associated with clearing the airways or signaling an underlying malady, has surprisingly found its way to the limelight of laughter. Amidst the common cacophonies of daily life, a cough can be anything from a subtle “Ahem, notice me!” to a full-blown interruption demanding immediate attention. It’s no wonder then, that these little outbursts of breath and sound have inspired a wealth of humor. “Why did the smartphone go to the doctor? It had a bad cough—kept losing its data connection!” With the digital age upon us, even our gadgets aren’t immune from catching the coughing bug!
Coughing jokes playfully navigate the precarious balance between the mundane and the mortifying. Remember that moment when, in a hushed auditorium, one lone cough spiraled into a cascading chorus, turning the setting into something akin to an orchestral coughcert? There’s a joke there, teasing at our collective human tendency: “Why did one person’s cough in a theater get a standing ovation? Because it had great timing, hitting the perfect dramatic pause!” These playful jabs at our shared experiences transform an ordinary reflex into a comedic spectacle, emphasizing the universality of certain human behaviors.
But it’s not just the act itself; it’s the situations and the unexpected outcomes that birth the best cough-inspired punchlines. Like the mischievous student who, when asked why he didn’t complete his homework, said, “I had a book cold, Miss. Every time I opened it, I started coughing!” Or the bartender who claims his most popular winter drink is the “Cough-ee,” a mix of coffee with a ‘cough syrupy’ twist! By using the familiar backdrop of coughing, these jokes pivot to an unexpected, often exaggerated outcome, eliciting chuckles and chortles.
Coughing, an action so simple and commonplace, has proven itself a fertile ground for comedy. Jokes about coughing transcend mere humor, acting as an emblem of shared human experience and society’s ability to find light—even in the midst of a pesky, persistent tickle in the throat. The next time you hear a cough, whether it’s in a quiet library or a crowded train, remember: there’s a joke lurking there, waiting to be exhaled into the world. Because when life gets phlegmy, it’s best to laugh it out!