Neck Jokes

Hold onto your collars, readers, because we’re about to delve into the long and short of neck humor! It’s often said, “Stick your neck out and take a risk,” but who knew that the risk involved would lead us straight into a world of comedic gold? In the vast landscape of body-related banter, neck jokes have carved a niche that’s as delightful as it is distinctive. From giraffes to guitarists, this collection promises to be a neck-tacular exploration. Brace yourself; things are about to get neck-st level funny!

Best Neck Jokes

“Why don’t bunnies tell scary stories?

Because it makes the hare stand up on the back of their necks.”

“What happened when the giraffes had a race?

They were neck and neck the whole time.”

Why does a giraffe have a long neck? Because his feet stink.

What does Dracula like to watch on TV? Neck-flix!

Which fruit is a vampire’s favorite? A neck-tarine

“Last year wasn’t much fun having a broken neck injury..

.. but at least now, I can look back and laugh.”

“My chiropractor and I got into a terrible fight in the middle of my neck treatment.

Now I have to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder.”

Can’t say who is winning. They are fighting neck to neck.

“I got this neck brace a few weeks ago…

and I haven’t looked back since.”

“I always wear my Stethoscope around my neck

So in an emergency, it teaches people a valuable lesson about assumption”

“whats a comeback for when someone makes fun of your long neck?

Never know what to say when they call me a Giraffe”

Can giraffes swim? No, but they’re great at treading neck water!

You know what they say about a man with a big neck? Tiny toes.

“Why did the neck visit the art gallery?

It wanted to see some neck-ed masterpieces!”

“What did the necklace say to the neck?

“I’m always hanging around your neck. Can’t you take a neck-break?””

What’s a giraffe’s favorite cookie? Neck-o-late chip!

Why did the giraffe eat a dictionary? It wanted to be well-in-neck-sted!

What did the neck say to the shoulder? “I’ve got your back!”

Why did the neck visit the bakery? It kneaded a massage!

A joke about the giraffe’s neck is far too long to tell. 

We have a con-neck-tion.

Vampires don’t have friends because they’re a pain in the neck.

A clown’s neck hurts every morning because they sleep on it funny.

The easiest way to never look back is to remove your neck.

Necks are a real head-turner.

I made a necklace out of bread. I call it neck pain.

I’m watching a beard-shaving competition. The contestants are neck and neck.

The store tried to neck-el-and-dime their customers.

The hotel offers sce-neck views of the ocean.

Someone that repairs necks is a mecha-neck.

A dictator complained fiercely about the neck wear he received. What a tie rant.

I gambled on a giraffe race the other day. Mine came second. Lost by a neck. It was nowhere near.

“What do you call a giraffe with a sore throat? A gir-ouch!

What do you call a pink bird with a sore throat? A Phlegm-ingo.

Someone told me they were going to hit me with the neck of a guitar. I asked, “is that a fret?”

A friend of mine bet on a horse called polo neck. He heard he was a great jumper.

And the award for the best neck wear of the year goes to… It’s a tie!

Chap goes to the doctor and says “it hurts when I touch my neck, my arm or my chest”. The doctor says, “you’ve broken your finger”.

Went to a club wearing a set of jump leads around his neck. The bouncer said “you can come in but don’t be starting anything”.

Thought I’d called a major religious figure the other day and got sent a goat with an odd neck. Turned out I’d called Dial-A-Llama.

 I will never recommend Dr. Acula. I left his office with much worse pain in my neck than when I came in. 

My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigs tie. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments. 

Do not ever make fun of people who look like they have no necks. They are fully protected from vampires. 

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.  

It is funny, I have not looked back once since I got this neck brace. 

A giraffe must have a long neck. Look how far their body is from their head. 

Now that men with neck tattoos make me lattes, I am not afraid of them anymore.

There is no chance of someone waking up with a sore neck if the coffin has a soft pillow.

My procedure saved my life, and my neck is permanently locked. I will never look back.  

Now that I can look back, I laugh. When my neck was broken it was not funny. 

“I told my dad my neck hurt cause I slept wrong

He said the only thing you do, you can’t do right?”

“I tragically lost my body in an accident, from the neck down

I had grand plans for my life, but I should probably quit while I’m a head”

“Why does Dracula always bite people in the neck?

Because he’s a neck romancer.”

“Terrible night. Dreamt something bit me on the neck.

Got up to check, but the mirror wasn’t working.”

“Why’d the red neck decide not get his hair cut?

Because he had to mull it over.”

What do old morticians call a zombie with a hickey? A necromancer.

“Why did the dominatrix go to the chiropractor?

She had a kink in her neck”

What do you call it if a giraffe swallows a drone? A big plane in the neck.

“How does everybody in the neighborhood feel about the persistent replacement window salesman?

Clearly, he’s a real pane in the neck.”

“What should you call a horse with no hair on his neck?

He shall remain maneless.”

“What did the polite pony say after he cleared his throat?

Sorry, I’m a little hoarse.”

“How do you save your wife from drowning?

Take your foot off of her neck.”

What do you call a giraffe without a bowtie? Neck-ed.

“Which kind of dinosaurs were always being victimized by vampires?


“Why do people hate being bitten by vampires so much?

Because it’s a real vein in the neck!”

“What’s black and white and can’t turn around in a corridor?

A nun with a javelin through her neck.”

Your forehead so big it touchs yo neck

“What happened after the guy swallowed a dictionary?

Now he has thesaurus throat.”

“Why did the Brachiosaurus have such a long neck?

Because they had really stinky feet.”

Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel? Me: *silence*

Neck Jokes

When one thinks of anatomy-inspired humor, a few body parts might leap forward – but the neck? Ah, it’s the often overlooked bridge between the head and the heart, a slender stretch of self that holds our heads high (literally) and becomes the site for some of the most unexpected punchlines. “Why did the giraffe get promoted? He was head and shoulders above the rest!” This isn’t just a tall tale of a spotted creature; it’s a testament to the neck’s comedic potential, turning the everyday into elongated excellence.

It’s fascinating to note that neck jokes have an uncanny universality. In one corner, you have the kids chuckling over how a turtle, with its retractable neck, is nature’s original retractable pen. In another, there are the adults smirking at the subtler nuances of neckwear etiquette. Ever heard the one about the clumsy vampire? “Why was he always in trouble? He aimed for the neck but kept missing the point!” These witticisms capture the delightful paradox of the neck: so essential, yet so open to playful interpretation.

But it’s not merely the physicality of necks that sets the comedic stage. The concept extends to situations that require one to ‘stick one’s neck out’, taking risks, and facing consequences. A joke about a brave turkey around Thanksgiving time illustrates the point perfectly: “Why did the turkey join the rock band? He heard it was all about the necks big hit!” Such humor doesn’t just tickle our funny bone—it nudges us to reflect on life’s little adventures and the courage it sometimes demands.

Neck jokes offer more than just a quick chuckle. They’re an ode to this unique part of our anatomy, a celebration of its versatility, and a nod (pun intended) to the way it keeps us connected—both in humor and in spirit. Whether it’s the hilarious consequences of a too-tight tie, the myths of elongated creatures, or just the quirky antics of our everyday lives, one thing’s for sure: with neck jokes, laughter is always a head-turner. So, keep your chin up and dive neck-deep into the world of guffaws and giggles!

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