Deck the halls with boughs of… humor? Ho-ho-hold onto your Santa hats, festive friends, because it’s time to unwrap a tradition even older than that fruitcake from three Christmases ago: Bad Christmas Jokes! Sure, they might not always sleigh you with their wit, but there’s no denying their place under the comedy Christmas tree. Whether they leave you in stitches or just wondering if a reindeer wrote them, these jokes guarantee a frosty reception. Dive into this blizzard of blunders and remember: the colder the joke, the warmer the laughter!
Best Bad Christmas Jokes
What do you get when you cross a pig with a Christmas tree? A pork-u-pine.
Who brings kittens for Christmas? Santa Claws
Doctor, doctor! I’m scared of Father Christmas! You’re suffering from Claus-trophobia!
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia!
Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws
Who delivers presents to cats? Santa Paws!
What do you call Father Christmas in the beach? Sandy Clause!
What’s the best Christmas present? A broken drum; you just can’t beat it!
Why is Christmas just like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
How does santa take pictures? with his North Pole-aroid!
Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party? He’s a fun guy to be with.
“Why are Christmas trees bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles.”
What do recovering chocoholics have during Christmas? Cold turkey.
“What makes the Christmas alphabet different from the normal alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.”
What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker!
What goes oh oh oh? Father Christmas walking backwards.
“Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose”
“When is a boat just like snow?
When it’s adrift”
“What did the dog get for Christmas?
A mobile bone”
“What do you call buying a piano for the holidays?
Christmas Chopin”
“Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?
Because he had no body to go with”
“What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells”
“What did the farmer get for Christmas?
A cowculator”
“What’s a child’s favourite king at Christmas?
A stocking”
“What do you call cutting down a Christmas tree?
Christmas chopping”
“Why is everyone so thirsty at the north pole?
No well, no well”
How do you help someone who has lost their Christmas spirit? Nurse them back to elf.
What does Rudolph want for Christmas? A Pony sleigh station.
Where do Santa’s reindeer stop for coffee? Star-bucks!
What happens if you eat Christmas decorations? You get tinsel-it is.
What do grapes sing at Christmas? ‘Tis the season to be jelly.
Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey—he’s always stuffed.
How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer.
Which former president planted the most Christmas trees? Wood-row Wilson
What’s as big as a Christmas tree but is lighter than a feather? Its shadow.
What did the Christmas tree do after its bank closed? It started his own branch.
Why did Santa ban fizzy drinks from his workshop? Because they were bad for his elf.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis
What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve.
What’s the most popular Christmas wine? “I don’t like sprouts!”
What do reindeer put on their Christmas trees? Hornaments
What happened when Santa got stuck in a chimney? He felt Claus-trophobic
How did Scrooge win the football match? The ghost of Christmas passed
How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side
“What happened to the turkey at Christmas?
It got gobbled!”
“Which of Santa’s reindeers have to mind their manners most?
Rude-olph!”
“What do ducks do before their Christmas dinner?
They pull Quistmas Quackers!”
“What is Santa’s favorite place to deliver presents?
Idaho-ho-ho!”
“Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it ‘soots’ him!”
“What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
Santa Clues!”
“What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Santapplause!”
“Where do elves go to dance?
Christmas Balls!”
“Who is Santa Claus married to?
Mary Christmas!”
“Why did Santa go to the doctor?
Because of his bad “”elf””!”
“Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!”
“Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?
He’s a fungi to be with.”
“What is Santa’s favorite pizza?
One that’s deep pan, crisp and even”
“Why does Santa like to work in the garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!”
“What do you call Father Christmas on the beach?
Sandy Claus!”
“Why can’t Christmas trees knit?
Because they always drop their needles!”
What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast? The One Show!
Why don’t you ever see Santa in hospital? Because he has private elf care!
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas? Cross-mouse cards!
Who is a Christmas tree’s favorite singer? Spruce Springsteen!
Bad Christmas Jokes
Ah, Christmas! A time for twinkling lights, heartwarming carols, and gifts wrapped in shiny paper. But lurking in the snow-draped corners of Yuletide tradition is a genre of humor as timeless as Grandma’s secret eggnog recipe: the bad Christmas joke. Just as the Grinch is to Whoville, these jokes might seem a little out of place amidst the festive cheer. Yet, much like that same Grinch, they have an undeniable charm that makes the heart grow three sizes… in amusement, or perhaps bewilderment.
The essence of a ‘bad’ Christmas joke lies not just in its groan-worthiness, but in its festive twist. What’s Santa’s favorite type of music? Wrap! Why was the math book sad during Christmas? It had too many problems. While they might not win awards at comedy festivals, there’s an art to creating a joke so corny that it loops back around to being iconic. The humor becomes less about the punchline and more about the shared acknowledgment of its delightful absurdity. And let’s admit, in a season filled with the pressure of perfection—finding the ideal gift, preparing the impeccable meal—a little silliness provides the perfect palette cleanser.
But there’s also something endearingly universal about bad Christmas jokes. In the shared groans around the dinner table, there’s a sense of community. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the simplest joys come from a play on words rather than a grand gesture. The jokes serve as equalizers; no one is immune from their playful grip, not the too-cool teenager nor the ever-serious uncle. And truly, isn’t Christmas all about coming together, setting aside differences, and embracing the warmth of togetherness? If chuckling (or cringing) at a bad joke isn’t communal, what is?
So this festive season, as you gather around the fireplace, sipping on hot cocoa and listening to the soft croon of holiday classics, sprinkle in a bad Christmas joke or two. They might elicit more eye rolls than hearty laughs, but in their quirky way, they encapsulate the spirit of Christmas: joyous, light-hearted, and a touch magical. After all, if Christmas teaches us anything, it’s to find wonder in the unexpected—and what’s more unexpected than a joke so bad it’s good?